They say all the drama in your life starts in High-School. Everything would be your first time. But not for me. I was already aware of the matters of the heart even before I entered the High-School world. I was on fifth grade and was crying back then because my so-called friends betrayed me. It started out as a small crush, on the boy who wiped my tears away when I was down. Nobody noticed, except him. I admired him since then, and was contented by keeping it to myself. At first it wasnt that serious, and in time, it faded away. I thought it was end for him and I will never like him again after getting over my infatuation. He wasnt exactly cute, hes not a very good person too. This is a CRUSH.
But then again, I didnt have to get to know him more. We werent close, in the literal and implied sense of it.
My last year in Gradeschool came. It was all casual at first, but when HE started sitting in front of me, everything changed. During vacant time, we would eventually end up chatting with each other. When one day, I accidentally blurted out my little crush on him before. His reaction was beyond surprising. He said he liked me back before too Starting that day, he always sticks with me wherever I go. When my seatmate was gone, chit-chatting with the others, he would sit beside me. And I started to get to know him more we were like bestfriends. He brought back my faith in friends. I realized he was much more than the person I thought him to be. He was actually sweet, funny, and it never gets boring when youre with him. I also saw what his bad traits are, like his hot temper, but nonetheless accepted it willingly. Its part of him, and nobodys perfect.
The old crush feeling was revived as I rejoiced in its birth. I was contented seeing him in good shape, never asking that hed reciprocate my crush on him. After all, he had said he liked me BEFORE. And people change.
A little voice in me started asking for him to return my feelings I have for him. He was in my mind all day, that sometimes I would space out, thinking of him. And Id look forward to each day, looking forward to see his smiling face. I was confused at first, if this was still a crush or is it love. I didnt really know when or how it started, but the feeling was overwhelming me and I just found myself succumbing to love. My first love….
I knew he loved me truly, I can see it in his eyes. And I knew that he knew I felt the same way too. He wanted to court me, but I knew it wasnt the right time. I told him no, I told him to wait. And he promised, vowed to be always be there for me when the time would come that Id be ready for relationships. I assured myself, Love can wait.
Im grateful to God because when I asked for a true friend, he gave me more. He gave me HIM, he gave me LOVE. Yet, I still dont know if anything of these are true.
But why am I telling you all this Maybe youre thinking, Who the hell cares about your love story The ending is so predictable, youd fall in love with each other and youll live happily ever after Youre supposed to right an essay about crush AND love What does this got anything to do with that
Im sad to tell you, but my story doesnt have the happy ending that youre expecting. We graduated, and destiny separated us. I missed him so much his fun company, his laugh, his lame jokes, his sweet demeanor. We never had the chance to keep in touch, technology wont allow us to. The only way we could communicate was through the Internet, but…they didnt have one and he seldom visits the Internet Caf To cope up with the depression, I kept reminiscing the times weve had together. That short period of time when I had a crush on him and the time I loved him, for almost a year. I didnt know how to distinguish the feelings. Its almost identical.
When I entered High School, found true friends, experienced unrequited love, became more cheeful and outgoing….I changed a lot. And amidst all those, I also found another love. Its just this time, he didnt return the feeling. I was heart-broken, of course. But then I remembered my first love…I wonder if he still remembers his promise Is he breaking it like Im doing right now But how would I do that I never promised him anything….
My questions were answered when one time, I saw him Online. He would eventually be there for at least twice a month. It was good enough for me, at least there was someone still loving me. In our first chats, he sounded the same boy I fell in love with. He told me he missed me too, but I never admitted how I was dying to hear about how hes been doing. I want his reassuring presence beside me, always. I always logged in my account, just to wait for him. Months passed, he didnt show up. I was devastated. I was tired.
Suddenly, his name appears on the screen and I swiftly asked him why hes not Online these past months. It took him a long time to answer. And when he did, he typed in, Wait for sec. Im still playing. Do you know how it felt like It was like a slap in my face He chose an online game over the girl he promised his love to How unfair is that He had forgotten me.
Thats when I realized four things First, Promises become lies when theyre broken. The lie becomes the truth behind the promise. Second, Puppy/First Love never lasts, and it CANT wait. Only true love can , When you like somebody, you dont expect for anything in return. Youre contented as you are, until you will forget it. And lastly, when you love, no matter how slim the chances are, you will wait for that someone to love you back. For the first time, or the second time. In vain, or in great hope. And you will never forget it. You will wait. I would wait.
Even if it takes forever….